Ashes to Ashes

Ashes to Ashes

The sun shines down upon another day

There’s always so much more to do

But I have lost the need – I have no dreams

That I would have come true. 

I’m tired of waiting for someone to save me

I drove away the people that tried

The pressure’s on, but the desire’s gone

And my tomorrow has died. 

And so I say goodbye

To everything I’ve known

Ashes to ashes

The seeds that I have sown.

Ashes to ashes

There’s no-one I can blame

Ashes to ashes. 

Who wants to hear another sad song?

Who wants to hear of another’s despair?

I’m too terrified to reach out, ‘cause I might find

No-body there. 

The sun shines down upon another day

There’s always so much left undone

But I can’t see the light

This endless night has finally

Begun. 

And so I say goodbye

To everything I’ve known

Ashes to ashes

The seeds that I have sown

Ashes to ashes

There’s no-one I can blame

Ashes to ashes 

The sun shines down upon

Another empty day

Ashes to ashes

The seeds have blown away.

Ashes to ashes

Have mercy on me.

Calling

Calling. 

I am not the sum total of my existence

That means nothing

I am not freed by my innocence

That means nothing

When it’s quiet at night and the moon is bright

I have time to think and I think I might be falling

Am I dead and cold, am I frail and old

Was I born a fool or big and bold

I’m calling

Who am I?

I am humble and proud

Just a face in the crowd

And I’m looking for something

To fill up the nothing

Who am I?

Just one life in a swarm

Trying to weather the storm

And if life has no meaning

Then why am I dreaming? 

I am not validated by my religion

That means nothing

I am not vindicated by the company I keep

That means nothing.

When it’s quiet at night and the moon is bright

I have time to think and I think I might be falling

They say it’s a choice of heaven or hell

Well whoever you are and wherever you dwell

I’m calling

Who am I?

All my passion and lust

Cannot keep me from dust

And if truth is believing

Then why am I grieving?

Who am I?

Just one life in a swarm

Trying to weather the storm

And if life has no meaning

Then why am I dreaming?

Who am i?

Who am I?

‘Cause I feel like I’m falling

But still I am calling…

Discover

Discover.

Sometimes we feel like the world doesn’t care

And sometimes we feel the pain of a heart that’s laid bare

This world and its cruelty

Has nothing for you and me

But lessons on how to be as hard as steel

Everyday. 

We can discover

The love that lies there

Waiting for something to show us the care

We can discover

What all children know

The journey will diminish us

But we don’t have to go 

Why do we give away the best we can be?

Our innocent wisdom; our joy to be free

It’s all to our detriment

The world sets its precedent

And then we become what we never dreamed

We would be.

We can discover

The truth we once knew

Waiting for something to show us it’s true

We can discover

And see through the lies

‘Cause once the truth leaves us

The child in us dies.  

To the children…

Show us the way.

Show us the way.

Waiting for the anger...

Waiting For The Anger 

I’m waiting at the crossroads

Trying to find which way to go

I believe that there are answers

For me to know

I’m swaying as the storm blows

The winds of fortune pass me by

Just because you left me bleeding

I will not die. 

Please believe I’m going nowhere

I believe I’m doing fine

I’m just waiting for a place

To trace this moment as mine

Please believe me

You know I’d hate to waste your time. 

I know you had your reasons

I know that I believed your lies

I can see the light of triumph

In your eyes

But fifteen years don’t count for nothing

Fifteen years have passed me by

And though I bear the scars with dignity

It’s a lie. 

Please believe I’m going nowhere

I believe I’m doing fine

I’m just waiting for a place

To trace this moment as mine

Please believe me

You know I’d hate to waste your time. 

I remember all those endless nights

Of planning, scheming, dreaming of a life of our own

I remember every word and every deed

Now everything that I had is gone

Yes it’s gone

So what am I to do? 

All those years I spent believing

I’m feeling all the pain

And I’m waiting for the anger… 

Please believe I’m going nowhere

I believe I’m doing fine

I’m just waiting for a chance

To dance with fortune just one more time

Please believe me

Please believe me

Please believe me

You know I’d hate to waste your time.

The way you wasted mine.

Whisky

Whisky 

Meanwhile, I had a glass of whisky

And talked about the events of the day

Nothing really was said and nothing passed between us

But I could go on forever that way

She watched the TV, I read the paper

I watched her watching the years slipping by

I grunted carefully, afraid to upset her

It’s my own way of keeping something alive.

and later in the silence of my lonely room

I thought about leaving; well I often do

And while I thought about where the hell would I go,

I had a glass of whisky

Or two.

Wolves

Wolves

If I had the words, I would tell you
What you mean to me
If I had the strength I’d let you in
Then you would truly see
But I am not a clever man
And do you know the feelings I hold inside?
I am just a simple man
And all I ask when clouds are dark and grey
Will love keep the wolves at bay?

If I had the time to make it better
I’d make it best for you
If I had a chance to change my future
I know just what I’d do
I am not a special man
and do you know the reasons for my desire?
I am just a simple man
And all I ask when sorry times hold sway
Will love keep the wolves at bay.

If I had the words, I would tell you
What you mean to me

The Gardener.

The Gardener. 

There was a tree

A beautiful tree in my garden.

I cut it down.

In the empty space

It used to stand

I made a garden.

I planted flowers

Beautiful flowers

In rows.

I replaced beauty with beauty –

And what did I achieve?

Power.

Philanthropy

Philanthropy  

I held out my hand to a friend in need

He took it and used it, then set it free.

A stranger held out his hand to me

I turned away and let it be.

‘Cause helping the needy is all very fine

But he was, after all, no friend of mine.

Homeless

Homeless 

“Hey mister”, I said

“Can you spare a coin?

I haven’t eaten, and I’m homeless and cold”

“No”, you said

“’Cause you’ll use it to buy

Drugs or booze or cigarettes” 

Well… that may be true -

but who are you

To judge?

Hedges

Hedges.

Welcome to my home in urban tranquility

A haven for normal domestic docility

They’re clipping the hedges and keeping them neat

There is pride in belonging in our little street

Nothing outlandish and nothing confronting

Except for street parties with champagne and bunting

God bless newspaper round thirty three

There’s bingo in Heaven for my neighbours and me

They’re all held together with strict social pledges

By words and by deeds, and by clipping the hedges.

Harvest

Harvest

Isn’t it great to be alive

Isn’t it great to be free

Isn’t it great to be a part of this community. 

Mother, oh Mother, I’m scared.

Mother, oh Mother, I’m blind

Mother, oh Mother, please tell me that everything’s fine.

Don’t be scared little one

Don’t be scared little one

But it’s harvest time.

Isn’t it great to be free

Isn’t it great to be right

Isn’t it great to be standing on this moral height.

Mother, oh Mother, I’m scared.

Mother, oh Mother, come near

Mother, oh Mother, please tell me there’s nothing to fear 

Don’t be scared little one

Don’t be scared little one

But the harvest’s here. 

Isn’t it great to be alive

Isn’t it great to be free

Isn’t it great to shine the light of democracy. 

Mother, oh Mother, I’m scared.

Mother, oh Mother, it’s a sign

Mother, oh Mother, there’s a darkness inside my mind.

Don’t be scared little one

Don’t be scared little one

But it’s harvest time.

Don’t be scared little one

Don’t be scared little one

But it’s harvest time.

God

 You pray to your savior with fervent conviction

You ask for his mercy, and his jurisdiction

And does the lord answer your prayers before bed?

What does he whisper into your head?

When you look at the people who don’t share your view

What does the lord tell you to do?

Does he tell you to judge them

And put yourself above them?

Does he tell you to hate them

Revile and berate them?

Does he sanction a war, does he tell you to fight?

Does he tell you to kill them, and say that it’s right?

Unyielding faith; what is it for?

Conquest and power

Murder and war.

You call it faith and truth is implied,

And every religion parades it with pride

And though your tenuous tenet is no better than their’s

You have no room for doubt

And that is what scares.

And still this strange devotion persists

People talk about God as if he exists.

People pray for redemption; they pray to their Lord

Treat others like dirt and expect a reward

The churches have power, influence and wealth

They prey on the needy; take them by stealth

These are the foundations

On which they are built

Fear and repression

Tyranny and guilt.

With soft smiling faces you talk about love

And endlessly prattle about the gift from above

The gift seems to only be self satisfaction

And pride in your heavenly interaction

This is no truth: no constructive advance

This is a coup and you’re part of the dance

Judgment, fear, hatred, exclusion

The tools of the righteous, a righteous collusion

Hysterical fervor and ingrained belief

To hide from ambition, self worship and grief

You talk about god, you praise the lord

You truly believe in eternal reward

You believe that the way into heaven’s gate

Are the funds you relinquish when they pass the plate.

God is the catalyst for hatred and pain

To justify atrocity in his holy name

How many people must suffer and pay

Before we finally put God away?

A long, long time ago.

A long, long time ago 

On a bench by the old folk’s way

Where the children used to play

Singing songs on a summers day

In the afternoon

Now we sit and remember when

We were the children then

We will never be young again

In the afternoon

I remember we used to say

We’ll never grow old that way

We are young

And young we’ll stay

Wild and free in the afterglow

Time is now; we can let time go

Yesterdays now are all we know

We lived our lives a long, long time ago. 

We were lovers and we were wed

We shared our hearts, our bed

Now it seems that desire is dead

Though I still love you

We sip tea as the time goes by

And we never wonder why

We let all the romance die

Though I still love you

Still, I know in my wildest dreams

Nothing’s quite the way it seems

We should live like kings and queens

Wild and free in the afterglow

Time is now, we can let time go

Yesterdays now are all we know

We lived our lives

A long, long time ago. 

I remember it was so fine

When I used to make you mine.

Come to bed with me one more time;

For I still love you.

Ordinary Joy

Ordinary Joy

The lights through the trees that all fragment the dark
The smell of the wood-smoke pervading the park
The oncoming frost that will chill and distil its own mark
Ordinary joy
The lights in the sky that disguise the new day
The church in the distance is tolling the way
The sounds of awakening, savage and waiting to play
Ordinary joy.

If this is life, I’m into it
This is life, I’m into it
If this is life, I’m into it now.

Unreachable limits unloading the weight
Fear of the news that awaits at the gate
Hating the hollow rehearsals and hating the hate
Ordinary day.
The crouching despair at the stair waits to leap
Freedom from fear only seized when you sleep
Too tired to try and too worried to wake up and weep
Ordinary day.

If this is life, I’ll live with it

This is life, I’ll live with it
If this is life, I’ll live with it now.

Intangible tangles, the modern melee

Heedless and hidden in gullible grey

Quiet in cacophony, voiceless in view of the day

Ordinary man.

Silent in struggle and valiant in vain

Unresting resilience, pugnacious in pain

Relentlessly staying and playing the part for a gain

Ordinary man.

 

If this is life, I’m living it

This is life, I’m living it

If this is life, I’m living it now.

©Zilby Toth 2011

Is this the start?

Is this the start?
I do not know.
I guess I'll find out
Where it will go.

Time.....